a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
