margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
