she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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