I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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