when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
