I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The Olympian is in my bed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
