I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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