they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
