I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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