All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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