He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
