just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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