his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
