Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
