It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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