My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
