please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
