Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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