Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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