In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
