Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
