when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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