Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
