Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
