i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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