Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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