All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
