I didn't shave. On purpose
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
