I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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