"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
