We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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