I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
