Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
