Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
