Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
