omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
