Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Someone signed my nipple.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
