That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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