Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
