it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
