just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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