I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
