he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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