I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
