I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
