her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
