found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
