Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
