i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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