So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
