If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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