i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
