He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
